You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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