it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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