I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
please come you make the beer taste better
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
