I don't usually arrange sex via text message
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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