Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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