I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
