sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
