hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
