my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
