Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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