hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
