Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
