My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You dont lie about slip and slides
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
