so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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