no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
