that's an acceptable place to lick
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
