just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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