My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
