Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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