we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
