i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I don't deserve a penis
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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