I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
