Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize