I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
