he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
