I'm pants shitting drunk right now
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
