At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
