So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
