I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
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