if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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