this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize
