im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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