Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
