my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
