She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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