just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I love having hate sex.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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