it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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