alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
