cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I need to calm my uterus...
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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