If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
