i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize