we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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