I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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