I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
