okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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