I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
