Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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