My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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