Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
