it was like eating out sand paper
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I need a burrito and a hug.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
