youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
