i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
