I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
