I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
