We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
