I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
