she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
