So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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