"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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