I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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