I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
