What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
we're so committed to being not committed
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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