Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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